Lessons I've Learned Over the Last 50 Years

Somebody asked me recently how I was feeling about turning 50, more specifically if I was struggling with the idea. Honestly, I hadn’t given it much thought, not because I was avoiding it, but simply because it just feels like another birthday. Maybe that'll change when the day comes, but I have a feeling it won’t.

The concept of a midlife crisis doesn't seem to be knocking on my door. My mind is clear and body feels good, I'm more active now than when I was younger. Reflecting on these 50 years, however, there are lessons I wish I'd learned earlier. These insights might not have made life easier, but they certainly would have given me more perspective and awareness about not needing to force life to conform to my expectations.

Rather than overwhelming you with 50 lessons, here are the 10 most important ones to me today, pre-midlife crisis:

1. Life is Meaningless

Before you get bent out of shape thinking I've turned into some radical anarchist, I assure you I haven't. I spent a lot of time in my early years reflecting on the meaning of life. Why are we here? What's this game we're playing? What's it all for?

I learned a lot during those times, exploring various perspectives, religions, and most importantly, understanding myself more along the way. Yet, I haven't found a definitive answer, despite journeying down numerous rabbit holes. What became clear to me is that there's no definitive answer, just perspectives, ideas, and guidelines. Maybe the meaning of life is simply the meaning we individually give it. Understanding this stopped my endless loop of “Why?” and allowed me to focus on “What” I wanted my life to mean.

2. We are the Co-Creators of Our Lives

This realization ties deeply into the belief that we are all the co-creators of our reality.

Our thoughts and words shape our lives.

Yet, when you take full responsibility for how things unfold in your life, there is nobody to point the finger at but yourself.  And without this belief, you're merely a bystander, subject to chance, letting life just happen to you.

However, when you accept full responsibility, you realize your outer world reflects your inner world, and life takes on new meaning. Victimhood fades away and you can step into full ownership of your life.

3. Stay Flexible

In a world filled with uncertainty, humans crave stability, often seeking control over how life should be and how others around them should behave.

The less in control we feel in life the more we want to control the things in our life.

That control feeds the need to be right, which can blind us, removing any flexibility and curiosity from our lives. Our need to prove we're right can trap us in our own echo chambers, preventing us from growing and experiencing new experiences in life.

For me its about staying open to new and different ideas, even if they are not part of my belief system, it doesn’t mean I have to adopt them, I’m just willing to open others perspective.

4. Don’t Follow the Herd

Staying flexible gives you the ability to look at life from a higher perspective. We're so inundated with societal conditioning that we often lose the ability to step outside of it. The pressure to follow a certain path, go to school, get a good job, buy a house, get married.

Whose path is this?

It's not that these milestones are bad, but finding your unique path, one that genuinely excites you rather than pleasing others, is essential for true happiness. Don’t be scared to do what most people, live the life that is right for you.

5. Live by Your Principles and Vision

When you have clarity on the principles and vision guiding your life, decisions become simpler. For me, understanding my values and principles provided direction for critical decisions. Without these guiding pillars, I was just reacting impulsively.

These principles help shape your life vision, providing a roadmap for your co-creation. Your vision acts as a magnet, keeping you grounded when life gets uncertain. Your vision will change over time, and that’s okay, its my GPS system in an endless world of opportunities.

6. Life’s Challenges Never Stop

The idea that life eventually becomes problem free doesn't exist. Life is filled with continuous challenges, and anyone hoping for an issue free existence is chasing an illusion.

Viewing challenges as detour rather than road block has been a game changer for me. Previously, the emotional energy spent complaining or feeling sorry for myself was overwhelming. Trust me I still get frustrated when things go differently then I expect, but I just move through them quicker.  These setbacks are a normal thing and I try to flow with them as they come.

Life is truly a game of unfolding challenges; their easier to handle when I don’t to avoid them.

7. Be Your Biggest Cheerleader

Facing life's challenges is difficult enough without our own harsh self-criticism. That inner voice saying ‘you're not good enough’ or ‘you will never achieve your vision’ can be debilitating. To me true confidence isn't about external validation; it's an internal belief, a knowing you can handle anything.

You have to build a relationship with your inner critic, develop confidence in who you are, and embrace a self-love for yourself that is stronger then anything you’ll come up against. Without this internal foundation, the external world will always dictate who you "should" be.

8. Be the First

A simple concept that profoundly impacts those around you. Often, we wait for others to act, placing unfair expectations on them. Instead I try to be the first now.

Be the first to help somebody out.

Be the first to compliment a friend.

Be the first to ask somebody how they are doing.

Just be the first.

Its a small thing, but can impact those around you so profoundly.

9. Your Presence is a Gift

We can get so caught up in our own lives, the things we need to do, the places we need to be, our minds never stop going. But if there was ever a time to be truly present, its when we are in the company of another. My wife helped me understand this lesson by sharing a simple reminder with me, “There is no greater gift you can give somebody, than the gift of your presence.”

To truly connect with somebody, no distractions, and really listening to what is being shared, is truly a beautiful thing. Time starts to slow down and you begin to see people in a whole new way.

10. Embrace Being Alone

For me, I believe that all of these life lessons started to unfold at a deeper level once I felt comfortable being alone. And I’m not talking about hanging out watching a movie by myself or scrolling social media. I mean just being with yourself, with no other distractions.

It’s in these moments of stillness, our habitual distractions surface for us to observe. I’ve learned so much about myself in these moments, the under current of my thoughts that shape who I am and the choices I make.

Find your spot of solitude,  the feelings of being bored or that you should be doing something productive might come up, just sit with it and watch what unfolds. You owe it to yourself!

I'm genuinely excited for what the future holds beyond 50, eager to continue learning about life and myself.

To my parents, I'm deeply grateful for your unwavering support, I couldn't have done it without you. To my wife, Melissa, journeying through life with you is my greatest blessing. And to my inner circle who've supported me over the past 50 years, thank you. I look forward to being truly present with each of you again soon.