How Your Habits Shape The Life You Want

Most people don’t realize it, but your habits are the core building blocks of your life. They dictate how you start your day, the decisions you make, and even how you see yourself. Yet, for so many of us, habits are something we fall into, not something we intentionally build.

The truth is:

Your habits are either building the life you dream of

or they are pulling you further from it.

And if you’re not conscious of them, you’re probably not in control of where your life is heading.

The Problem with Habits

It’s so much easier to fall into bad habits than to build good ones. And that’s because so many industries profit from the habits they promote.

Society is inundated with the next fix or high, versus finding it within.

Think about how often you scroll through social media, only to realize you’ve just wasted an hour looking at random content an algorithm decided was important.

Or consider the choices you make when you’re in a rush and hungry. It’s faster to grab fast food than prepare something nutritious, even though it works against your goals.

Then there’s the subtle grip of other habits, like watching late-night TV instead of prioritizing sleep, or the addictive pull of the porn industry, leaving many men feeling disconnected from themselves and others. These habits don’t align with the life most of us want or even desire and they just keep us in a loop.

Bad choice.

Undesired result.

Feelings of guilt and wanting to escape.

Look for the next quick fix to help us feel good again.

And the loop continues.

Bad habits form quickly because they cater to immediate gratification. They offer a dopamine hit, whether it’s the quick buzz from alcohol or the false sense of entertainment of social media. But these fleeting pleasures often come at the expense of long-term satisfaction. The gap between who we are and who we want to be widens with every unchecked bad habit.

That is why creating meaningful habits starts with self awareness.

Why We Struggle to Change

The hard part isn’t knowing what habits to build, it’s sticking to them.

Most people aim too high too fast, with no plan: "I’m going to work out an hour every day," or "I’ll cut out sugar entirely starting tomorrow." Then, when life gets busy or things feel too hard, they quit, convincing themselves they’re not disciplined enough. Letting us off the hook of what we truly desire.

And really the problem isn’t your desire, it’s the way you’re approaching change.

Many of us associate habit change with extreme willpower, but in reality, it’s about strategy.

Willpower is a limited resource; if you rely solely on it, you’ll burn out. Instead, successful habit formation depends on:

Having a clear vision of who you desire to be.

Designing your environment.

Leveraging small wins.

And being consistent.

The question isn’t, "Do I have the willpower to do this?" It’s, "How can I make this so easy that I do it every day and it becomes second nature?"

When your habits align with your vision, everything changes:

1. Clarity: You know what actions to take because they’re tied to your ideal life.
2. Momentum: Small wins create motivation and consistency we all desire.
3. Identity Transformation: You stop "doing" and start "becoming" the person who lives your vision. Habits are the building blocks of that vision.

They are how your goals turn into results and how your aspirations become tangible outcomes.

What Habits Are Helping You?

Ask yourself:

Are my daily habits aligned with the person I want to become?

What small actions am I doing consistently that are helping or hurting my vision?

Here’s a helpful exercise: At the end of each day, write down three habits you practiced. Label them as "aligned" or "misaligned" with your vision.

What do you do first thing in the morning?

What do you do when a stressful event happens in your day?

Or how do you finish your day?

Over time, patterns will emerge, giving you clarity on where to focus your efforts.

When building habits, choose consistency over content. The best book is the one you can’t put down. The best exercise is the one you enjoy doing every day. The best health food is the one you find tasty. The best work is the work you’d do for free.

Naval Ravikant

My Journey to Flexibility

Let me share a personal example. After years of competing on the world tour and now being retired for a number of years, I noticed my body felt stiff and out of balance. I wanted to feel agile and pain-free again, but my current training habits weren’t supporting that. I wanted to bring more focus to my flexibility, while still working out.

So, I updated my vision: I saw myself as someone who is physically strong, but also agile and flexible as I got older. To get there, I knew I needed to stretch.

And of course like all things I do, I jumped in head first and was going to long yoga classes multiple times a week.  But of course life got in the way some weeks and my consistency fell off and so did my results. I needed to integrate it into my daily life so it would be a habit, but most importantly I needed to feel the benefits.

So I started with just 3 minutes of stretching every morning.

Yep that was it, just 3 minutes and no more.

Who can’t do that?

I laid out my yoga mat the night before so as soon as I got out of bed it was the first thing I did. Two weeks later, 3 minutes turned into 10. Eventually, it became 15 minutes, and now stretching is a non-negotiable part of my daily routine. But I didn’t start that way, I started with something so small it was impossible to fail.

This approach taught me the power of gradual progression. By starting so small and building consistency, I not only improved my flexibility but also redefined how I approach challenges.

Small, sustainable steps were the key to lasting change.

Building the Habits You Desire

Habits don’t have to be massive shifts overnight. In fact, the smaller the habit, the more likely it is to stick. Consistency beats intensity every time.

1. Start Small: Identify one habit aligned with your vision and commit to just 3-5 minutes a day. For example, if you have a hard time going to the gym, start by just putting on your gym clothes and driving to the gym. Just do that for the first week and engrain that habit.
2. Create Triggers: Make it easy to remember. Lay out your workout clothes or set an alarm with a reminder that connects to your "why."
3. Celebrate Wins: Acknowledge every effort, no matter how small. Success is built on positive reinforcement, not self criticism. As guys we don’t like to celebrate the small stuff, but remember this is your life we are talking about, you deserve it!
4. Design Your Environment: Surround yourself with cues that encourage these habits. If you want to read more, leave a book on your nightstand, in your car or on your office desk. If you want to eat healthier, stock your kitchen with nutritious snacks. Make it easier to make the right choice and start small.

Your habits define your life.

By aligning your daily actions with your vision, cultivating self-awareness, and starting small, you can create a life that feels purposeful and aligned with who you truly want to show up as.

Remember, it’s not about perfection, it’s about small steps toward a habit that is created.

The process takes time, but the results are worth it.

You’re worth it.

Every small habit you build brings you closer to your vision. And every aligned action reinforces the belief that you are capable of being the person you want to be.

So, what habit will you choose today?